The Greatest Show on Earth (Episode 3)

Apologies for the delay in posting my response to last week's episode of ALTL. Things have been moving pretty fast around here since MBH went back to work. In fact Episode 4 has whizzed by without me even watching it, which is lucky 'cause I'm over ALTL now. The delicious cringe value has turned to pity and that ain't no fun.

Here are the basic notes I jotted down from Episode 3:

Young Kelly made an impression this week with her proud assertion that "by the end of the night I've drunk myself stupid and I'm either abusing someone or chucking up in a gutter".

Some of the cutaways are witty. Jessica is told to turn to Mrs Shrager or Mrs Harbord if she gets nervous mc'ing the fashion show. Cut to a rather mad and severe looking Mrs Harbord. Titter.

The Greatest Show on Earth (Episode 2)

Oh what a night for reality tv. I must divulge straight away that my favourite moment tonight was Kerryn exclaiming "I just jizzed in me pants" when the girls were told they had a chance to take part in a vintage car motor rally. For me, the expression discloses genuine enthusiasm. I'll have to find a way to use "I just jizzed in me pants" in general conversation like our Kerryn. Even though she hasn't captured much air time yet I feel her star is on the rise.

Other ALTL highlights included the nudist bogan Shari's massive turn around mid-episode. She went from marauding harridan to submissive suck-arse so fast it's almost enough to make her parents sit up and take notice. And who knew a real lady would never open her own car door? Goodness! I have been getting it wrong all these years and I'm sure MBH will be thrilled to know there is yet one more way he can cater to my femininity. So how does it work if I'm driving by myself? Should I park near a good supply of men in the hopes that one will release me from the car? And what do the rules say about climbing out the window? Gosh, ettiquette is a tricky business.

I thought the ladettes would wait till at least week 3 to fall in a tragic heap in Mrs Shrager's arms but tonight not one but two ladettes, Jessica and Kaila were drawn into the bosomosphere, blubbing in their dreadful flat accents about their sad past and hopes for a better future.

Poor Samantha got the flick tonight, and for what? For being a bit hopeless at shelling 4000 quail eggs in half an hour, so a bunch of chinless twats can have a post-rally picnic under ominous British storm clouds, that's what. They always get rid of the frumps early on. No doubt just another predictable tweaking of the reality tv world. But still. Based on lady-like-ish-ness (or the lack of) I reckon that sullen cow Donnelle should have copped it tonight for sure. Waddaya reckon readers? ... readers?

Au revoir Samantha!

Aussie Ladette to Lady is on at 9:30pm Tuesdays on Channel 9.

The Greatest Show on Earth (Episode 1)

I am, of course, refering to Aussie Ladette to Lady. That show has everything - slappers, loud-mouthed old school marms, well heeled inbred toffs, and everyone displaying appalling behaviour from go to whoa. Don't you just love it when a show simultaneously holds a mirror up to the boganity it exploits while showing up the equally crass, judgmental and class-driven snobbery of the supposed arbiters of decency and good behaviour? I do. And the even greater truth is that I, the viewer, revel in every minute of it.

Season two brings us a fresh crop of hard-drinking, hard-living young women all intent on outdoing each other's "ladette" behaviour. The stand out ladette for me as of the first episode is Shari, for whom "clothes just get in the way of a good time". For some reason, despite some pretty off colour behaviour, Shari made it through for another week of televisual humiliation. Perhaps they've recognised that a girl like Shari makes for good television. Or am I being cynical? Letisha got the boot on the first episode so we won't get a chance to plumb the depths of her bogan psyche. Jessica is another stand out ladette, but for my money I reckon Kerryn will bring home the pearl earrings. The rest are a mix of extrovert teens and early twenty somethings, mere episode padding fodder. And of course, Mrs Brewer, Mrs Harbord and Mrs Shrager bellow their way around Eggelston Hall, accusing the girls of being " disgusting sluts". Now that's finishing school!

Check out this link for more info on the girls:

http://channelnine.ninemsn.com.au/aussieladettetolady/ladettes/

I'm taking bets on which ladette will be first to crumple against the ample bosom of Mrs Shrager, sobbing about the terrible life she has led so far and how desperately she wants to turn it all around. I think we'll see some action of this sort by episode 3, episode 4 at the absolute latest.

Also, an honourable mention for whoever best describes the animal Mrs Harbord looks most like.